Please.

I am hurt and I need to get rid of the pain.

 

People might see me as a normal 15 year old on the outside. Happy, carefree. But the truth is I feel hurt.. Sounds cheesy huh? I know people won't read this but I don't care. At least I can express my true feelings through this blog. Kind of like my private online diary/journal. :)

By feeling hurt, I mean I can't express my feelings to anyone. I just feel like no one understands me. It's impossible to tell my feelings to my siblings, our age gaps are too far apart. 13, 10 and 6, making the fact that I'm the only teen in the house.

When I get mad, people at home just think I'm overreacting. Like I'm being too sensitive. Well whoop-dee-doo I'm sorry that's a problem for you. But guess what, I can't help it. I've been bottling up my feelings for 4 years so anything you do that affects my feelings will hurt me deeply.

Sometimes I feel like my life at home isn't fair. Don't get me wrong, I'm treated well and my family loves me and all that but you know.. sometimes you can't help feeling that your parents are choosing them over you.

I hate it when my siblings boss me around, especially when I'm tired. Yeah sure, you have to respect those older than you but just because I'm younger DOES NOT mean that I don't deserve any respect. You might think it's funny to send me up and down the stairs fetching stuff for you, you might think it's funny to compare our skin tones just to prove that you're fairer than me, you might think it's funny to call me fat. I'll just laugh about it, pretending like wtv you said isn't a big deal, but have you ever thought that it might hurt my feelings? To be honest I get jealous when we go out and hear our mom's friends saying that you're pretty and beautiful, but only smile at me. It makes me feel insecure.. like I'm not good enough for anyone. It hurts.

When I'm sad about something, I expect you to be there for me, console me. Not saying that I need to get over it. Saying stuff like that won't make me feel better.

Sometimes it gets to the point when I'm so angry I just wanna throw and thrash things around the house. Not that I haven't before, because I have. Throwing clothes, toys, anything that I grab I'll throw it. I feel like screaming. After I do throw stuff, I'll just be shocked at myself, stunned by the fact by what my anger can do to the things around me. But in the end I'll just end up sitting in the bathroom and cry. Nobody knows that. The bathroom and my bedroom is the only place I feel safe crying. This post could go on forever and forever, but even my non-existent readers will get bored. Bye for now.

p.s enjoy this song. it's really nice :)
Goodbye by Kesha