Tired

Don't you ever get tired when people ask you to listen to them, but they NEVER listen to you? I sure know I do. People, well, certain people in my life do that. 'Kenak ktk sik penah dgr kata kmk?' or 'Coba dgr kata kmk skali skala'.

My ultimate response -- what the actual fck. Are you fcking kidding me. Are you fcking serious.

I listen to every. single. word you say. I follow every. single. thing you say yet you actually have the audacity to say that? Why is it so hard for you to LISTEN to me? And when I say listen, I mean listen to what I'm saying, not listen to my voice. Have you ever wondered in your life, ever to actually stop for a minute to think and process my words? I highly doubt that.

There is a reason why I give my opinions. I don't give my opinions just for fun. And yet you wonder why I never speak up in class. You wonder why I'm so quiet. Have you ever thought that what you do impacts my progress not only in class but also in life? I never get a chance to word my opinions out loud because of you. According to you you're always right. Right right right. And I'm always wrong wrong wrong. I understand that I am a teenager and still in the process of learning what's right or wrong, but that does not mean that adults are always right. This has always been, and sadly will ALWAYS an adults perception towards teens.

By the time you fellow readers have reached this paragraph you're probably wondering what the hell am I babbling about? To be honest I have no idea. But it eases my heart a little bit that I can get this off my chest.

Seriously?

What the hell dude? Like are you effing serious? Just because you know you're good looking it DOES NOT mean that you have to act like a motherfreaking arsepoop towards others.

Excuse me pls la, sedar la dirik ya baruk umo 13, lom adak gik kau matang eh. Boh gago mok loba dirik sia sitok ingga ku nangga.

Get your head out of your ass and let reality hit you in the face. Good looks doesn't get you everywhere you little piece of ungrateful punk. Don't let your looks get the best of you and abandon your friends.

Where have I been?!

Hello there earthlings or mostly know as my non-existent readers! Holy mother of pearls, where the heck have I been?!

School. Yeap there you go, school. Nothing interesting really, I didn't get kidnapped by aliens or other weird outer space creatures, I was busy with school. So how have I been for the past two months? Well, we just started our second semester at school a few weeks back aaannnddddd we got our exam results back. Needless to say I didn't do so well for my science subjects. Flunked my add maths and chemistry. DAYUMM GIRL. Yeap..

So what will today's post be about? Let me give y'all a hint. It starts with letter c and ends with s.
Give up? Yes? No?
.
.
.
 The word of the day is.. *cue drum roll* CRUSH!
Okay, I think everyone has got the picture so let me skip to the fun part of me ranting.

My whole life I've always had a crush on someone and it sucks. It flipping sucks. What I mean is, it's so damn frustrating to like someone that doesn't like you back and barely acknowledges your existence! Well my existence to be precise.

So there's this one guy in my class, let's call him Mr K, and em well I think I may have a tiny crush on him. I don't know why, I just do and I hate it when that happens. Ugh.
Mr K is a tall, super smart fellow and has a good sense of humour. But there's this one thing that has been bugging me and it's super annoying GAHHHH.

You see, this Mr K and I never say anything to each other in class. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. So I added him on the ever-so-popular social media website Facebook and guess what?
He likes my status, my photos, comments and he even chatted with me once.
So y'all are probably thinking, 'Ok so what's the big deal? He talks to you on Facebook but never in class? Pssfhhht beach puhlease.'
That's the thing that has been bothering me for aagggesss. I've been observing this pattern for quite a while now. Every time he goes back to his hometown for the holidays (he's a boarding student) he's always online on Facebook and whenever I update my status, post a picture etc etc there's always gonna be a notification saying 'Mr K liked your photo/status a few minutes ago' or 'Mr K commented on your status/photo a few minutes ago'. I just don't get as to why he's sooooo friendly on Facebook but barely says a word to me in class. I know I'm probably thinking wayy to much into this small matter but hey, you know how us girls (it makes me wanna puke whenever I say that but that's the sad truth so bare with me)
are always over dramatic.

Is it because he's too shy to say something to me? Or does he feel much more comfortable speaking to me online rather than face-to-face? Idk, whatever it is it's just bugging the heck out of my mind. AND IT'S SO FRUSTRATING SINCE I HAVE A FLIPPING NO GOOD CRUSH ON HIM GAHHH!!!

So, I've come to a conclusion..
I'm gonna avoid myself from crushing on someone.
Yeap. Sounds so dramatic lol but yeap I mean it's the best step for me.
Have you any idea how boring it is to like someone but never get the same response from that particular person?! It's been nagging on my mind, I can't concentrate so I will have to do my best to 'eliminate' my feelings for him.

I've had enough of crushes, so crush, please go away for a long long time okay?

Well, I think that's it for the post. Told ya it was gonna be long. Hope you had a cup of tea or some biscuits when you read this post! Have a nice day non-existent readers
xx

ADIOS.

Story of my life

Forget it Shazza you're invisible in front of your crush. Stop daydreaming and snap back to reality!

— Shazza 23♥ (@mcweezy08) March 25, 2013

i am back to normal

whatever happened tonight proves that i will no longer or ever will post about love again because love causes a lot of trouble. this is why my friend Fai is right, 'feelings' are weird and that is probably why she hates being in love lol haha.

and i think i've had enough. in all honesty i think i am just a tad bit traumatized by love. yes i do have a crush and it isn't him because that's just.. wrong. it's AG :) haha first day masok class lalu suka. wait lemme do my lame laugh.. 'hiihihihihihih' okay there you go.

and to you. um this is awkward. i hope we can still remain friends but if you don't want to then fine it was nice knowing you hahahaha. i know you'll never read this, which is why i feel brave enough to write this. i think you should probably take time to analyse yourself a bit lol because you seem like you can't handle things and control your emotions.whatever it is, kmk mendoakan yang terbaik untuk ktk. harap2 you'll find a lady or woman or girl or wtv that truly understands you and your needs. and um just nvr say those things to a girl like what you said to me. you should know that girls tend to get just a tad bit emotional and overreact. don't say what you don't mean, sometimes people may not understand your jokes, aite? anyway i feel super awkward abt what happened tonight.. so i took the liberty to delete your phone number and your messages. i know this step sounds extreme but i really don't like holding onto the past and bad memories. what happened tonight was bad and weird. i'm not sure how i'll react when i see you. i'll probably run away and pretend i never saw you hahahhaha i am a chicken. so yeah. adios senora.

and to my best friend of 7 years! i really am blessed to have known someone like you :') i cannot thank you enough. you have had my back lots of times. in Primary 4 and tonight :) out of all of my bff's only you truly understood me. i am not sure how i can repay you! tauk sik selamak tok perasaan kmk rasa lain semacam jak, tapi bila kmk confide in ngn ktk everything was solved. kawan kmk lain semua mcm padah 'just ignore him la' tapi you actually took the time to actually ask me what happened and grew patiently with me while i sat there typing away telling you abt my short-lived love life. hahaha. i know my problem may seem small to you but sometimes it's the samllest things that bugs my mind. terus terang eh kmk nang rasa bersyukur lalu ada kawan macam ktk. walaupun kita jarang bertemu kmk pun sik sangka ktk masih anggap kmk as your best friend. terharu lok kmk jap *awwwwww* hahaha. over these past years in high school i've really seen you grow up! dolok bukan main gik tomboy, masok high school alu romantic ny ehhh hahahaha.
thank you for lifting this heavy feeling off my chest! :) i love youuuuu bebehhh hahahahaha.

adios.

I am confused

So hello there my fellow non-existent readers! I haven't posted a blog for quite a while eyy. Well when you're starting Form 4, life in school gets pretty busy and the teachers give you tons of homework.

Anyways, this post won't be about my life in school because I am pretty sure no one wants to read about that. This post will be about... *drum roll* ...... my love life, I suppose.
Yep. You heard it, you read it. My love life. Omaigelob, Shazza's talking about love? Tell me, what did you do with the real Shazza?! TELL ME!
Okay lol I am weird. Sooooo, let the story begin...

Once upon a time, there lived a girl -- lol I'm kidding la. Okay so a couple of days back, well to be precise on Thursday 14th February, I went to Pustaka with my friends. So as all of you know Pustaka has a canteen right and there he was. Helping his mom. So when I looked at him I was like "Hmmm, cam penah jak mek nangga laki ya. OOOOHHH NYA YA PADUU" and turns out he recognized me too. So we were like "Oh hey. Yeah lol" So it was just a small chit-chat and then I went back to the library with my friends to study.
Later that night he sms-ed me and you know we just talked about the usual stuff. Then one night he said that he wanted to tackle me but he couldn't because I was tall. His exact words were "ktk tgi bah mun ktk pendek dari kmk tek dapat kmk tackle ktk HAHAHAHAHHA" and I was like whoaa dude, you have to be joking kan, so being my usual self I joked back, I said lol why not? "kelak kmk rendahkan diri hahahah" and to that he replied do i like him? And I said of course no la, I like him as a friend nothing more. So this so called 'flirting' I guess you could call it went on for quite a while. So we sms-ed each other every night and it came to one point where he said, hold on let me take a deep breath, "eyy, you look beautiful tadi :)". You see we ran into each other at Ng Sian Hap or 'kede pasu' as I call it and he said I looked beautiful. Being me of course I was taken aback by his words because, well no boy has ever complemented me using the word 'beautiful' before so I was slightly shocked. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes, that his words were 100% honest. I was left speechless, so all I could say was thank you. Now don't think of me as being an attention whore, fishing for complements if you're reading this. In my entire life, never have I had a boy call me 'beautiful' because it's pretty darn obvious that I'm not the most attractive looking girl in the world. The only people who call me beautiful is my family, lol sounds sad but it's true.
Anyway, he called me beautiful and was like okay, thanks. AND THENNNNN, he said I looked pretty when I smiled and I thought "hmmm okaayy things are starting to get a bit awkward but nvm" I asked has he even seen me smile before? Regarding the fact that we HARDLY see each other. So he said yes, when we ran into each other at Kheng Lee, he was using his motorbike and he called my name, and I turned,  smiled and waved at him, and he said "kacak juak shazza" at the time. So again, I was stunned but I still said thanks 'cause you should never turn down a compliment ;) HAHAHAHA okay.
Oh yes, one more thing. When we ran into each other at Ng Sian Hap he said "I feel weird", so I asked him why. He said that he had butterflies in his tummy and his heart skipped a beat when he saw me.
OH. MY. GELOB.

his heart skipped a beat when he saw me.
his heart skipped a beat when he saw me.
his heart skipped a beat when he saw me.

I was stunned and still am. So to cut a long story short, he just stopped msging me. Just poof, just like that.
When I saw him again at Pustaka, we did say hi. Later on that night I thought he was gonna msg me but, no.
So the reason for the title 'I am confused'.
You're acting as if what you said to me never happened.
Did you even mean it when you said those things?
Were your words genuine?
Or was it all just a game.
I need an answer, pls.
Don't leave me hanging.

I hate to say this but I can't deny it, i like you. BUT I DON'T WANT BECAUSE I JUST.. UGH. So here is a song that totally suits my confused feelings and mood. Enjoy.
PINK - Try - Official Acoustic Music Video - Jess Moskaluke

Funny how the heart can be deceiving,

More than just a couple times,

Why do we fall in love so easy,

Even when it's not right.

Adios.

Brain overload

Hello there my non-existent readers and welcome to another episode of Shazza's Rant! Today's episode will be featuring Shazza's new life in high school.

Wow, not to toot my own horn but I think I'd be an AWESOME show host ;) Jokes. I suck. Anyways, first thing is first. MY NEW BABY HAS ARRIVED. Lol don't freak out, it's my brand new first ever laptop! My dad bought it for me yesterday (Friday, 4/1/13) and can you imagine my excitement?!?! I was so sakai and sooooo psyched. Syukur Alhamdulillah, :) tidak sia-sialah usahaku selama ini. HAHAHAHAHA LOL what I meant was I got 7A's 1B for my PMR. My history caused the B.. so yeah. But history has never been nice to me and I have never been nice to it.. wtv. :D

So, now I am currently in high school. WHOOP-DEE-DOO I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Hah you wish. Well actually it isn't that bad. Even though I'm not in the same class as my best friends, I managed to make new friends in my new class considering the fact that I am so quiet I don't think the teachers would notice if I went missing and people might think that I'm a loner..

The subjects are okay. I guess. (I'm taking science stream btw).
I have been trying to solve my add maths exercises since this afternoon and guess what? I ONLY MANAGED TO SOLVE 4 OUT OF 11 ._.

ADIOS MY FELLOW NON-EXISTENT READERS.